Why Kids Bully and What Can We Do About It

Bullying cases have recently become a major topic of discussion on social media. More and more incidents are coming to light, ranging from verbal abuse to physical violence, and both forms create strong reactions among the public. But what exactly is bullying? Is it simply part of interpersonal conflict, or is it something more serious and complex?

Before we continue, it is important to understand that bullying is a strong and serious term. It refers to manipulative behaviour and the misuse of power, which in a school setting often involves children and adolescents who are still developing emotionally and socially. Naturally, this kind of harmful behaviour is not something that parents can easily accept, especially when their own child is identified as the perpetrator.

When a student is involved in a bullying incident, it means that he or she has met several clear criteria. According to a research study by Ahmed et al. (2022), bullying includes:

1. A clear intention to cause harm
2. Repeated harmful actions over time, and
3. An imbalance or abuse of power directed toward the victim.

However, some misconceptions often arise when parents, students, and even the school try to understand a child’s misbehavior, especially when it disadvantages their peers. A single act of teasing or an isolated insult can easily be interpreted as bullying, even when the real cause of the behaviour is still unclear. Are the insults reciprocal? Is the behaviour targeted at one specific student? Has it happened repeatedly? These questions must be examined carefully, and a proper investigation is necessary before labeling an incident as bullying.

As we know, children’s friendships are very dynamic. They might get into an argument over a missing pencil today and play happily together the next morning. It is common for young students to experience disagreements, misunderstandings, or temporary conflicts as they learn how to communicate and socialise. Interpersonal issues such as personal arguments, social consequences, or small group conflicts are almost impossible to avoid when 10–20 children spend time together in the same room. Because of this, it becomes even more important to look deeper into the root cause of the problem rather than immediately giving it the label of bullying.

When bullying occurs, one of the first questions that comes to mind is, “How can someone do such a thing to their peers?” People often wonder whether something is wrong with the child, whether the behaviour comes from their home environment, whether it is influenced by peers, or whether the school itself plays a role. In reality, the answer involves all of these factors. A single act of bullying is rarely caused by just one issue; instead, it is the result of the interaction of several influences below :

1. Modelling from the upbringing

Children who experience harsh discipline, inconsistent rules, low emotional warmth, or frequent exposure to conflict and violence at home may learn that aggression is an acceptable way to solve problems or gain control. They tend to model the behaviours they observe, especially from the adults closest to them. As a result, this kind of upbringing can hinder a child’s ability to develop empathy and may make them more prone to displaying bullying behaviour.

2. Peer pressure

As students enter pre-puberty, sometimes as early as nine years old, peer influence begins to play a major role in their decisions and behaviour. The desire to fit in or conform to group expectations becomes stronger, and this pressure can contribute to bullying actions. Those who have learned harmful patterns—such as using aggression, exclusion, or social isolation to solve problems—are more likely to become perpetrators of bullying in the long run, especially when these behaviours are reinforced or accepted by their peer group.

3. Unmet personal needs

Some children may feel powerless at home and therefore seek a sense of control when they are at school. Others might do extra miles to gain attention or validation because the people at home are too busy or emotionally unavailable. Needs that should naturally be met within the family may instead be compensated for in the school environment. However, not all students know how to meet these needs in healthy or adaptive ways. As a result, some may turn to harmful behaviours, such as oppressing or dominating others, as an attempt to regain control or feel noticed.

4. Tolerating environment

A school environment that fails to provide clear consequences for perpetrators can also contribute to the continuation of bullying. When bullying reports are not taken seriously, the school becomes a less secure place for students who may be at risk. This is why it is essential for schools to establish a firm response and consistent actions toward bullying incidents. By doing so, perpetrators can learn that their behaviour carries real consequences, and the school can reinforce a safer and more accountable environment for everyone.

As the most effective way to address bullying is through prevention, it is essential to take proactive steps before any harmful behaviour occurs. Both teachers and parents play an important role in shaping children into individuals who do not engage in bullying. Here are several actions that can help nurture a bully-free generation :

1. Teach and practice empathy
2. Teach and model respect and healthy conflict resolution
3. Allow children to experience logical consequences for their actions, followed by guided self-reflection
4. Be an attentive and supportive listener so children feel heard and valued
5. Show compassion and create a safe space where children can express themselves freely in a healthy manner

By working together to model kindness, encourage empathy, and guide children through healthy social behaviour, we can create an environment where bullying has no room to grow. Prevention begins with consistent support from both home and school.

At JMS, Every Child Is Safe, Seen, and Valued

At Jakarta Multicultural School (JMS), we are committed to one core principle:
bullying has no place here and no room to grow.

With our low learner–teacher ratio, every child receives consistent, individualized attention. Our teachers are able to truly see, listen to, and understand each student — not only in academics but also in their social and emotional development.

We cultivate a learning environment built on empathy, respect, care, and strong guidance.
Every child is given a safe space to express themselves, share their thoughts, and grow in a healthy, confident way — without fear of judgment.

Author by:

Luthfiasari Sekar Fatimah, M.Psi.

JMS School Counsellor